I live in a quiet cul-de-sac not far from town. There are roughly 10 houses in my estate, and everyone keeps to themselves. Most of us have been neighbors for 20 years. Not much happens at the best of times. These days the silence is deadening. As lockdown has progressed, I’ve noticed a change in myself. My ears have become trained to hear the hum of an engine before any vehicle is in sight. Whenever I sense an automobile, I’m tempted to run to the door to see who it is. What I’m really hoping for is the postman.

The other day a DPD van appeared at the top of the hill, and I watched expectantly for him to turn around and stop at my house. When he drove past my heart sank. No delivery. No conversation. No human interaction.

It started harmlessly. In the New Year I usually enjoy a trip to the city for the January sales. Obviously that didn’t happen this month because everything is closed and we’re staying home to tackle Covid-19. I decided to do a little online shopping for my birthday instead. Fair enough, right?

My birthday was nearly 2 weeks ago and I’m still shopping… It’s like a valve has collapsed and all of my money is flowing over the internet. At the beginning of the month I paid off my Visa and was thrilled to be debt free. Every year my bonus mom gives me money to choose my own present so I shouldn’t feel guilty. I usually save most of it for going on vacation or buy something that benefits the whole family. This year, however, I seem to be going overboard.

I’ve bought several dresses which haven’t arrived yet. I need tracksuits or even pjs since that’s what I spend half of my time in at the moment. Why am I buying stuff suitable for music festivals when they’ll all be cancelled again this summer? I’m dreaming of a post Covid world where I can wear pretty clothes and go to fun places and travel again. Buying stuff isn’t going to change our current circumstances, but it helps to dream a little.

Then there are the craft supplies. I discovered Brooklyn Haberdashery on Instagram. The shop became an instant favorite. It’s ridiculous how excited I get browsing the website. As I stock up on projects, I’m well aware that I do not have enough time to complete all of them at the rate I’m buying. Yesterday I purchased a gorgeous embroidery sampler kit. I love, love, love anything to do with cloth, thread, yarn, needles, buttons, etc. In another life I would’ve liked to be a fiber artist. Creating with my hands brings me so much joy.

Back to Instagram. It’s become like a drug. While I find it relaxing to scroll through my feed, and see all of the cool crafty people’s creations, or feast on yarn in every color and texture, it’s dangerous for my bank account. I never would’ve discovered various craft accessories without the platform. I’m currently waiting for a delivery from Firefly Notes . These bespoke tins are not only practical but a real keepsake. Talk about great marketing! I couldn’t resist getting cute honeycomb shaped place markers to go with my vintage inspired bee and poppy notions tin.

A few days ago my latest project bag arrived. I ordered it from Jenna Rose. The material is screen printed by hand and made with natural fibers. I think it’s adorable!

Yesterday was wet, gloomy and I didn’t get out of my pajamas. I did manage to spend a small fortune without moving from the couch. I ordered beautiful new art supplies for my daughter. The day before that I replaced my youngest’s waterproofs since he outgrew the last pair. Both of these purchases were valid, but I still felt a bit guilty.

I aim to live a sustainable lifestyle, which isn’t compatible with consumerism. I’ve been conditioned- like most of us- to love shopping. I’ve had to work hard to cut back on how much I buy clothes since I enjoy fashion. I wish that I didn’t feel so guilty on the occasions when I do spend. I seem to have found a way around the issue by consuming yarn instead. If it’s hand-crafted, “slow fashion” that somehow seems more acceptable to my mind.

Hopefully I’ve got it all out of my system now. I have a dyed-to-order delivery from Black Elephant which should arrive soon. Plus I’m looking forward to receiving all of the other items. There’s one more shop I’d like to make essential purchases from this weekend. After that I need to find a strategy to stop buying. My resistance has been lowered because of pandemic induced boredom as well as the wintry weather. Initially there’s a thrill when I order something. The actual delivery definitely boosts my mood… for a while.

On a side note, Blessing and my bonus mom have become pen pals this year. It’s the cutest thing ever. He loves when our postman arrives too, especially when there’s a letter with stickers and stories from Grandma. I know she looks forward to his paintings, drawings, and letters too. His 3 year old ramblings don’t always make sense, but he never fails to be entertaining. They have a unique trans-Atlantic love exchange. What would we do without Mr. Postman to help foster our connections?

Just a little trivia before I go… Did you know:

• Mr. Postman was the Marvelette’s debut song.
• Young Marvin Gaye played on the drums.
• The song went to the top of the pop charts, and provided Motown with its first pop number one single.
• I still have a record of this single because my bio mom loved it. I’ve fond memories of dancing around to this song during my childhood.

That’s all for today! I hope you’re staying safe and well wherever you are at this moment. Have you managed to save money during lockdown, or have you given in to the temptation of online shopping too? Do you notice any correlation between mental health and your spending habits? Do you shop to get a happiness boost or do you have better ways of coping with stressful situations? I’d love to hear your thoughts in the comments.